Omnify This!!!!! #(*$&!!!!!!!!!!

Ode to Omniture.

Omniture, Omniture.

I hate you so.

Pack up your numbers, pick up and go.

You are impossible to navigate,

Your only results are feeling irrate.

Processing time is as slow as can be,

You’re worse than Google tools that don’t cost money!

Omniture, Omniture.

What are you good for?

Omniture, Omniture.

You little whore.


March 25, 2008. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized. 10 comments.

Nerdified or not?

Undoubtedly  there are still many facets of the internet universe that I have not begun to explore.  I am nowhere near fully “nerdified”.  With that said, I am making great headway in certain fields. On Friday night, at a big, 1 day late Thanksgiving meal, most of the evenings topics touched upon if not focused on internet related talk.  I was not only following the entire conversation, but found myself explaining certain things to others.  This was quite a breakthrough.  I surprised myself.  I was up on the video virals, and the popular new skype icons.  Nothing went over my head!

To top it off, my big nerdifying climax to the weekend was an internet joke.   I’ll do my best to tell it over, but it was an in the moment type thing …and as with most specific to a certain field jokes…. its not that funny.  So here it goes.  Eli was boasting of his father’s great claim to fame: the invention of long distance calling.  “MY father invented long distance. Blah blah blah. That’s right. Long distance calls. My Dad. He did it. Yeah. I’m cool. Blah blah.” I butted in with this: “So your Dad must HATE Jeff Pulver”.  Now, for those of you that don’t know, Jeff Pulver is a big Facebook nerd (nerd in this blogs definition of the term. not meant to be taken offensively, Jeff… if you are reading this)  He is also the inventor of voice over IP calling.  This was the invention that made Eli’s father’s fiber optics a thing of the past.  Again, this won’t have anyone rolling on the floor in fits of laughter, but such is the world of nerdification.

November 26, 2007. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized. 7 comments.

Back so soon!

I know, I know…. This is almost like a real blog… Updates and everything. Well, I am about to expose secret of the trade: A sites strength heavily relies on “freshness”, or how often the page is updated. I cannot make any promises for the future, but I will do my best to keep this as “fresh” as I can.

I must apologize to Eli for my seemingly snide undertone in my last post. Eli does truley improve the internet on a daily basis. His efforts are commendable and I never intended to imply otherwise. Please forgive me.

And just for the fun of it… Here is a great comic (that Eli sent me). Funny stuff!!!

November 12, 2007. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Ok, Social Media Marketing World. Here I come.

Just to remind all two of my readers, my current work title is an SEO Accounts Manager. Recently (For those of you who are unfamiliar -in the internet world “recently” can mean anything from five seconds to one week prior. A month ago is already considered “remember when…” territory), SEO has bec0me less important, and internet marketers are putting a stronger focus on “Social Media Marketing”. As an Accounts Manager keeping up with these changes is an integral part of my position. I am now learning more and more about not only what dork sites people hang out on, but about how to “spam” them as well. Spam, when used by internet nerds, as I aspire to be, is a verb used to describe the act of bombarding a person, or site with information they most likely don’t want. This is how we, as Eli describes it, “improve the internet”.

On that note, I am off to improve the internet!

November 8, 2007. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 2 comments.

Back and Better than Ever

I realize it has been a while since last I wrote. In my defense I have been out there in the tranches, nerdifying! I have made some great advances! The latest big change is that I know understand dorky internet jokes. Liz was very impressed when she sent me this: and I actually got it!!! I can also now identify homestarrunner’s voice at a distance. (I’m not sure what an accomplishment that is, but Dan seems to think it is one. So for you Dan…)

This week was actually very impressive because I joined about 800 different social sites. I am now a member of iDrink, LinkedIn, Hi5, Simpy and gd knows what else. Feel free to sign up to any random forum or network and see if you can find me there.  This is obviously with the exclusion of facebook, sorry guys.

The hurdle I am slowly mastering is the Wiki world. I am still completely amateur. Though, I did create a profile, and make some minor changes, that have miraculously stayed up. It’s a work in progress.

I know, this all sounds quite impressive. But we all know that I am still no internet nerd. I am in fact more of, as cousin Marissa calls us, an “internet loser” (definition: she who knows nothing about the internet, needs to have other people set up their email accounts for them, etc.). I am making progress though.

October 17, 2007. Uncategorized. 1 comment.


I must briefly interrupt regular programming to bring you a very sad story. This story is not about me, but about my WeeMee. I urge you to read the whole story; do not take the situation lightly! You’re patience will be rewarded (I am a firm believer in every action going quid pro qou)

About two weeks ago I created a WeeMee. I had never before created another being. Needless to say, it was a very proud moment for me. For all intents and purposes she was the most accurate and functional WeeMee ever seen. She looked just like me… gorgeous! Unfortunately, this beautiful WeeMee never made it out of her birthing site alive. WeeMee is now lost in the internet yo-yoing back and forth between blogs and game rooms and all the sites the internet world has to offer. I pray for WeeMee that she does not wonder off into the darker side of the internet, where hate sites and inappropriate videos might corrupt her innocent WeeMee mind. I pray that the spiders that crawl the internet are not the brown recluse spiders that will ultimately lead to her WeeMee death.

As you may know WeeMees are very vulnerable creatures. They would never survive the treturous swamps of Belize, or the heat of the Egyptian deserts. They cannot withstand any liquids, they have fears and neuroses ranging from melissophobia to barophobia. I can only pray that she has not been abrogated entirely from the internet world. Her ubiquitous aura does not compensate for the fact that she has not appeared anywhere.

Please do not let your perfunctory inclinations control your reactions to this story. The plight of my WeeMee is serious one. She is noble, brave… yes, even quixotic at times. She is battling worlds of unknown enemies.

July 31, 2007. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Stage 2

After looking at many other blogs, and reading some of the comments on my own I have come to discover that the second part of this whole blog thing is updating; so here it goes.

This week was a very big week for me. I made my very first  internet nerd joke.  I referred to something in the real world (not to be confused with the internet world) as “in the sandbox”. I know, I know, not so funny! But it was an SEO reference! That’s a pretty big deal if you ask me.

That was, I believe, the only big nerdification progress this week.  Let’s just hope next week brings new breakthroughs.

June 22, 2007. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

It all starts here

To be fair, this blog should have been start a month and a half ago. That shows just what a procedure this is. A month an a half ago I just barely new what a blog was, or how people posted things on the internet. I warn you all now, my technical vocabulary is pretty weak, and often misused! This will most likely improve with time… and nerdification.

As far as pre-blog history goes, there is not much. I still check my AOL mail as my primary account. I have a yahoo account, and just this week I got a gmail, just for work… That, I believe, is part of stage one of the nerdification process. Though I am sure there are those of you that don’t even consider that a big deal. A month and a half ago I had not heard of a single social site (is that what you call them?) Now I am a stumling junkie! Its like channel surfing for the computer. I have to say, that one really enriched my life. I am now currently on 3 chatting type things (like I said, weak vocab), I have 4 email accounts, and am signed up for 4 social networking sites. Thats the official count on day one of the blog!

Note: facebook is not one of my social networks… nor is myspace, youtube, or anything like that.

But again, it’s a process. Who knows what the future may bring.

June 14, 2007. Uncategorized. 3 comments.